Hey Friends,
Just wanted to pose a question for you all to think about. As a single woman, I often double dutch with the concept called vulnerability. Sometimes, I feel brave and ready to roll while other times I pull back and put up my guard. I’ve been studying this topic and want to share with you what I have learned.
Do you have the COURAGE to beVULNERABLE?
Vulnerability…..is all about feeling exposed to emotional hurt. We’ve all been there and it is not fun. Often times, we are left feeling weak and fragile and susceptible of being taken advantage of. The thought of relating your innermost feelings and fears to someone with the possibility of them not caring or even using them against you is straight up SCARY!!
Vulnerability….is also about opening yourself up to the possibility of trying new things, growth emotionally and spiritually and the relentless pursuit of the truth of one’s deepest self. This requires welcoming honest and sometimes even negative feedback. How does that feel for someone who does not take criticism well? Hmmm…..NOT FUN. And that is so me. 
Well, it’s not fun at first, because it stings…sometimes even burns. But when the wounds heal, there is beautiful recovery!!
But before we see the beauty of the recovery process, we experience the demons of our own insecurities and the sensational lack of self-confidence that reaks in our presence. Sometimes, the fear of the unknown causes us to resist and the lack of forgiveness for our past hurts and injustices rule our lives. We defend our need for privacy….shutting others out, keeping ourselves safe…from this vulnerability (showing insecurity). We don’t want to be uncomfortable, we challenge change or make excuses for our shortcomings instead of pursuing change and personal responsibility.
I’ve learned that if we continue to act in denial of what’s really REAL, we risk many things in our lives that will keep us from true PEACE. We will constantly be on the offensive, blaming others and avoiding personal responsibility. We will act like we’ve “got it together” when we don’t, we may become shy due to a fear of rejection or disapproval and ultimately play games b/c it’s easier to follow a script than be REAL. You know what I’m talking about….”Never let anyone know how I feel, always be strong, never cry, never let my guard down, I’ll never let someone hurt me again, trust no one, I have no problems, etc”. Ever said any of those things? I know I have!
From the secrets of my dieting failures (Yes, even pros mess it up), to wanting to live up to what people see me as (strong), from my year in boot camp where I never wanted the cadre to see me cry (b/c they broke me down every day!) to talking about everyone else’s problems and feeling good b/c the light’s not on my life, judging me. Yeah, I have been in all of these places!
But I am JOYFUL to be able to proclaim the FREEDOM of true vulnerability! I know that deep in our core, we all desire to be close to someone and each other….God, family, a friend, a lover…. God made us to need each other in addition to Him. So that we can experience new possibilities, learning to receive help, developing trust in others, learning healthy, direct and honest communication, self-acceptance, security, being in tune with your real feelings and letting go of fears.
ALL GOOD STUFF!!
So, think about it….the choice is yours. Which side of the rope will you be on?
Your friend in Christ
Tanji
See us on Facebook
Tanji although I am not a member of your group my dearest friend is one of your followers. The message above is one of the moving and heart warming I have ever read. I can relate to each and every word. It is difficult to trust after being disappointed in a relationship but with faith in God and a wonderful loving friend anything can be over come. Keep up the great work with your encouraging work with all
Tanji thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on such an awesome and necessary subject. I am dealing with vulnerability issues currently and everything you said is right on point! I appreciate you for exposing yourself to me and countless others because through experiences (our own or others), we find inspiration, hope, and motivation. I thank God for you and I pray that He continues to guide you to quicken the spirit of many more. Be blessed!
Yakita <3
This is a great topic and coming from a man’s perspective is absolutely very interesting! I think men feel that they cannot be open to God, their spouse, or friends because being a “man” is about showing toughness and not showing emotions.
What I have found to be true as a young man is that being open to God and real with Him in my relationship helps me to have great relationships with others, such as my wife, friends and the youth I now preside over internationally.
This is all a process but learning to take a look at ourselves, our relationships, and our journey in this life is a great thing. And when it hurts, when it is scary, when it is embarrassing, and when it is emotional – to me that is real.
Thank you for allowing me to share just a few random thoughts off the top of my head. Keep up the great work!
What an EXCELLENT topic! You truly hit the nail on the head with this one. As a single woman, this is a topic of discussion that my friends and I have all the time. My pastor spoke on being single this past Sunday and he stated that most lies are told when we are dating someone. We are working so hard to impress that person and gain their acceptance…when all along you should focus on allowing them to accept you for who you really are. The lies begin to build up one after another and before you know it…you can’t keep up!
I have come to realize that there is nothing wrong with being who you are!
The person who is truly interested in you and getting to know you…will accept you no matter what. It is difficult to be vunerable after being hurt, but this also allows you to grow and learn from the mistakes. It truly does make you STRONGER!
Thank you for sharing,
Wishing you all the best at the Fitness International!
There has never been a more honest and true statement:
“But before we see the beauty of the recovery process, we experience the demons of our own insecurities and the sensational lack of self-confidence that reaks in our presence. Sometimes, the fear of the unknown causes us to resist and the lack of forgiveness for our past hurts and injustices rule our lives. We defend our need for privacy….shutting others out, keeping ourselves safe…from this vulnerability (showing insecurity). We don’t want to be uncomfortable, we challenge change or make excuses for our shortcomings instead of pursuing change and personal responsibility.”
Tanji,
One of my favorite things about you is your honesty when you speak and write. Feeling alone in a situation is something that everyone deals with. However, you often shed light on the fact that no one is immune to the negative thoughts and action that we are all capable of. You are so relatable and please know you are not alone!
YOu are very much loved and appreciated. Thank you for using your success and your platform for good and to share the Word as you understand it.
Can’t even begin to tell you how much of a blessing you are woman of God. It is great to see someone of your staus share your faith in Jesus with the world… I could only hope to follow suit as i grow in mine!